You smell like stripper and shame
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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