3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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