Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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