Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
