two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
