He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
