Kiss
Puke
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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