hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
