even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
