My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
