I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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