How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
