you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
