Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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