Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
