I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Man, jail baloney is awful.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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