Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
