Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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