The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
