I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
