Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
