are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
