youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i think my mom watched the whole time
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
