I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
