tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
