please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
