She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
