what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
