im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
