do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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