I just cut my nipple shaving
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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