I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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