My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
