You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
