hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
