my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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