Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
