I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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