Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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