I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
