Me too!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
