I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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