I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
