Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
