do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
