yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
