I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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