I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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