$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
