Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
