Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He better not be in your backpack
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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