honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
