Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
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