Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
