What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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