went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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